Marriage Secrets Number Three and Four

by Cindy R. Williams

I received some great support and response on the blog about Marriage Secrets #1 and #2. In fact, two more great secrets I will call Secrets #3 and Secret #4 have now been revealed by Taffy. (Since this is all kind of secretive, I will keep her last name a secret.) So pull up your chair, and make sure no one is peeking over your shoulder.

First lets review:
Secret #1 A strong marriage has NO PARACHUTES. You must have the attitude that you love each other no matter what, and WORK THINGS OUT.
Secret #2 Put your spouse first. Easy to do if you remember:
~ do something nice for them each day.
~ say I love you at least two times a day.
~ give your spouse a compliment each day.
(For more on Secrets #1 & #2 see my blog "Secrets to a Strong Marriage" posted July 28, 2009.)
Here we go with the next two secrets.

Secret #3
Never joke about the 'd' word (divorce.) Don't talk about it or make light of it. No teasing or even hinting about it. If you do, you have just strapped on a parachute.

Secret #4
Sex is not used as a tool to punish or reward. The reward is in the bonding between husband and wife. Sex is also not a tool to sweeten a deal as in get your spouse in a good mood so that you can tell him/her something bad, or get his/her approval for something you want. It is also not a time to report your day to each other. It is a time to lose yourself in the wonder of each other.

See, all these secrets are very simple and logical. But how often do we either forget or abuse these four secrets?

I met a lady that told me it was her anniversary that evening, so she didn't want to get home late. I was impressed by her attitude until she added, "He is very lucky I have stuck around for the past ten years. I'm always telling him he better kick it up a notch or one day he might come home from work and I'll be gone." Then she laughed. I laughed with her not knowing how to respond.

Ouch!

In hind site, I wish I could have had about a half hour to discuss with her how dangerous that attitude is, and that it isn't the least bit funny.

Another friend plans her "Marriage Duty" as she calls it for times when she has gone shopping and overspent. She knows that if she mentions it to him afterwards, he will just smile and tell her not to worry about it. Now that is taking an unfair advantage. Who can think straight after all those acrobatics. *** Okay, too much information.

So now we have four secrets to a strong and healthy marriage. Keep emailing me and adding comments on the blog. I would love to keep the list going.

Remember, these are very powerful secrets, but you are welcome to share them in a quiet, respectful manner with your spouse. No arguing about them. I have an inkling that would defeat the purpose.